Monday Bloody Monday...

Dear Monday the 31st, please end quickly.

~Love, your nearest and dearest friend Meredith.

Well, today definitely had the potential for being great.  My husband and I officially sent in our 30 days to our landlord.  I am experiencing a paradox of emotions.  I am on one hand alarmed, terrified.  And the other, exuberant and elated.  We will see.  Looks like it's going to be a lot of work though.  We're going to have to start packing.  Which is of course, scary!  

I accomplished almost nothing today.  My son was up all night.  I didn't know why until I woke up this morning and changed his diaper and found that he had diarrhea and had a rash so bad that when I took the diaper off his whole body was seizing in pain.  As a mother, it was truly one of the worst experiences so far.  To have to cause some of his pain and not be able to just take it away, it was excruciating.  The tears running down his face were too much for my heart to handle.  So as I wiped his poor soar bum, I cried too.  He was waddling around all day in pain, and was really just miserable.  I felt terrible.  This is reason number 1 that my day was not good.

I've been playing with different templates for prints.
 This is one of my attempts ♥

The next thing I know, he finally is able to fall asleep for his nap after crying on my shoulder for some time (again I wept with him).  So I attempted to go drop off a disc to a client, and paperwork to out new property management company.  I was running behind and only had thirty minutes to get the paperwork dropped off and the disc.  So when I dropped off the disc, I desperately wanted to talk to my very kind client.  Unfortunately, I was in a complete haze of worry that I was going to miss our landlord.  So I rushed out of there only to get lost trying to find the property management company.  So I called my husband.  Again, and again, and again, and again.  Finally he calls back, unfortunately I was so frustrated I could barely speak.  So I answered the phone in a tizzy.  I'm not proud of that moment.  Using my husbands calm simple instructions I found the place.  Accomplished both drop offs without any major mishaps.

I came home, and made some phone calls and did some work on the computer.  At four o clock I had decided to go for a run.  I wanted to get out of the house and go for the run while I still had the will power, determination, inspiration, and time.  My son woke up from his nap right after I got my running shoes on.  My husband said he was going to grab my son and change his diaper (as I told him I would not change another diaper that evening, it was too much, I couldn't stand seeing my son cry or in pain).  He received a late work call, and was held up.  So I went to get my son and before I knew it, the sun was on it's way to setting.  So I was not able to take my run.

My husband went out to get mexican feeling like consoling me after the rather horrendous day.  So I ate myself into oblivion and just tried to eat away all feelings of helpless and hopelessness.  Of course, that was not a good idea.  And I now just feel frustrated at my apparent lack of self control, will power, and self worth.  So, I am officially ending this miserable day by saying goodnight.  And may we have a better week than today proved to be!  Please dear God don't let Monday be a forecast for the rest of the week!  Good night!

It Takes a Village

Well, this Sunday afternoon was just filled with fun and laughter for my dear family!
We went to church this morning.  Took my God daughter to communion, and my husband took our God son.  It brings us such joy to pass our children to their God parents in church.  It's like musical chairs with our children.  It really just fills everyones heart with such joy and love.

When we were out of church we were taken out to breakfast by our good friends.  They blessed us with a wonderful breakfast and time.

I got my laundry almost completely done which is quite a feat.  My husband did the dishes AND cleaned the bathroom AND toilet!!  Which was absolutely stellar.  He blew my mind with his helpfulness today.  One of my girl friends brought over some incredible Tiramisu from a delicious restaurant for us all to enjoy.  We than had some friends over to watch the NHL All Star team.  When our friends came over we had pizza and our children all had a wonderful time playing.

Near the end of our evening our God daughter was still screaming, and grew worse.  She started pulling on her right ear and us three mothers became concerned that she may have an ear infection.  Please forgive me as I digress.  I recently had a huge fiasco of a week when I contracted a severe outer ear infection that was incredibly painful.  At the time, I felt as though I could've cut my ear off it was so excruciating.  I was not able to sleep for days before it started getting better.  It got worse before it got better of course.  So I couldn't help but feel fierce empathy for my dear God daughter.  I was frantic (as were all of us 3 women) to get her to urgent care asap.  So we confronted our husbands about it.  They felt that it was probably just her teething or simply fussing.  We were adamant.  We united as a village and whisked away the small girl with her older sister and flew to the urgent care 13 miles away.  As you can imagine at this point we are all totally flustered that our husbands had dared to disagree.  Among the three of us, we slowly lost our confidence that something was actually amiss.

We all stormed into the urgent care.  A village of 3 women and 2 young girls.  Convinced we had justifiable concerns about the small girl.  After 30 minutes of paper work and waiting, we were flummoxed when the doctor confirmed it was nothing but viral pharyngitis (sore throat).  Of course, we were correct in that she was not well.  But to much of our dismay we had misdiagnosed her.  So of course we were laughing when one of the doctors saw us all filing through the doorways and said "look it's a tribe!"  and we responded "yes, we are the village!".  In regards to the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"..  We had brought our tribe.

After the ordeal on our way out of the urgent care we happened upon several EMT s.  The older sister who is almost 5 walked up to one of the EMT s and asked if he had any stickers.  As the three of us looked up to find a very handsome EMT get down on one knee to offer our little princess a sticker we were all dumbstruck by his charm and good looks.  When we looked at each other we couldn't help but begin to laugh like a pack of hyenas!  Here we were, all blushing at the urgent care bound together in determination to get a diagnosis for our sick villager, when some EMT meanders up and silences us in one brief wind!  We were absolutely hysterical at our child like awe and silliness.

All the way home we had a good laugh about our evening.  When we came back to our husbands we all just had a lot of fun about it all.  Unfortunately my favorite player (Eric Staal) in the NHL lost his game.  That was disappointing.  But all in all we had a truly terrific Sunday.  Hope yours was as much fun as ours was!  Good night and good luck with your week!

Today, my God daughter Malia was baptized.  It was incredibly beautiful.  Holding her through the ceremony through her laughter and cries was just a beautiful bonding experience.  Seeing her go into the water and come out was so fantastic.  When she came out of the water and I wrapped her tiny wet little person into the towel, she cuddled close to me.  I kept whispering in her ear to help her to calm down.  I told her "I'm right here, I won't let you go, your safe.  Your safe.  You are safe and pure!".  She just calmed right down and molded straight to my body.  I couldn't help but be completely blown away by her security in my words.  I was flattered.

After the baptism my God daughter and I were brought to the front of the Iconastasis.  Standing there while they prepared the communion, we were brought to a complete silence in awe of the moment.  The presence of God was palpable.  It was terrifying.  You knew at that moment that not only was He right there, but there was absolutely no way of hiding anything from him.  You were completely transparent.  Every thought, action, and past regret brought into blazingly bright lights for checking.  Naked in front of your creator.  We all have nightmares about finding ourselves out in public naked, well today, I felt like it actually happened for real.

As I reflect on todays wonderful events, I can't help but wonder why I felt relief by being fully and completely lit up from the inside out by God.  It's terrifying, and it's so so amazing.  But more than that, it's a relief to know that He will still love you even after He sees those terrible inner sins that we so desperately try to hide.  At least we know that we will never be alone.  Not if we trust in Him.

Self Respect

He that respects himself is safe from others;

he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

How is it that one achieves self respect, or self worth? 

I find throughout my days, I can't help but feel that no matter what I do, I am no good.  No matter how many good things I do, they'll never justify the bad.  I go through my day trying to be a good person.  And at the end of it, always feel that I've failed.  It changes the way you are able to take criticism from outside.  I become so easily hurt.  But I don't believe myself to be a victim.  I'm not a victim, of anyone but myself.  I don't want pity, I just don't want my own guilt.  What is humble, and what is self hate?  Couldn't it be perceived as a very fine line?   

This is my son within 4 days of his birth.  He was 10 pounds and 21.5 inches long.  He is and was the perfect angel.

People who say they sleep like a baby

usually don't have one.

~Leo Burke

Prayer

Prayer is a powerful tool that believers have.  Every night when I put my son down, we say prayers.  We thank God for all our blessings and unanswered prayers.  We pray for good dreams and sweet dreams, no bad dreams and no nightmares.  We end with the Our Father prayer.  I try to pray often.  Even when I'm not feeling like I want to.  Sometimes I feel like God is hearing me when I pray at night.  Sometimes you can feel the holy spirit in all it's glory.  But sometimes, I feel nothing.  And it's the nothing that can be scary.

Some things have to be believed to be seen.

~Ralph Hodgson

God is Good.

What we usually pray to God is not that His will be done,

but that He approve ours.

~Helga Bergold Gross

Well God is truly good.  He answers our prayers in quite unexpected ways.  Sometimes overwhelming us with His love.  Sometimes He scares me.  Right now we're looking at moving into an apartment up a hill I've never been comfortable driving.  I am concerned with the location and financial situation we're moving into.  I'm not sure entirely how we're going to do it.  I'm praying that God provides for us and allows it to happen.  But it's still very scary.  I can't help but feel there is no way for this to work.  I don't know that we're going to be able to afford it, and I can't see how it can happen.  When I think about it, it makes me anxious.  My chest starts to feel constricted.  But I guess the truth is we just have to do it and see what happens.  We're taking a huge leap of faith with really  nothing to fall back on.  I can't help but feel very concerned.  The day we saw the place, I was really really torn up about it.  I knew at the time it just wasn't going to happen no matter how badly I wanted it to.  The next day, we found out that the owners were willing to work with us in small ways to make it happen.  But sometimes I wonder if we're kidding ourselves.  Because the truth of the matter is that It really is not seeming possible.  But God will guide us and show us if it is supposed to happen.  That I have the utmost faith in.  If it's not meant to be, than I'm sure He will provide a very obvious obstacle.  If it is, we will move.

On another note, I'm trying to find a way to earn extra income on the internet.  I've been finding these online surveys and starter kits to making money and may try it.  I am worried about scams of course, but have been successful in finding different blogs about who is and isn't legitimate.  Anyway, I'm going to try it out.  We'll see how it works!  Let's hope I'm successful!

The childhood shows the man

As morning shows the day.

~John Milton

Family

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts!

~Author Unknown

Blah blah ha ha.

Aye ya ya!  I'm lagging in the post department!  Another late evening, another photo and quote!

"A brother is a friend given by Nature" 

~Jean Baptiste Legouve

I would reword it and put God instead of Nature though ♥

Posted

I am beyond exhausted and can not conceive any creative concepts for this post.  Therefor, I will leave you with a quote and picture.  Please enjoy your weekend as much as I plan to ♥

When at night you can not sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.

~Author Unknown

The "Natural" Disaster

I had an unexpected guest this evening.  It was a last minute work thing for my husband.  My husband was supposed to meet the guest outside the apartment and drop off an envelope.


I suppose that the evenings in my mind are reserved for my peace and quiet time.  But tonight, the world had other plans. My son had just been put down for bed when I saw my husbands phone ringing.  The man he was supposed to meet was outside.  I of course not wanting to be rude invited him in.  Well, the kind man had quite the booming voice and a whole lot to say.  I was completely distracted unfortunately by my home looking like it had been hit by a tornado.  So I welcomed him in, and my son subsequently began to scream.  He knew someone was here.  He wanted to visit.  It was unfortunate that we hadn't just accidentally kept him up another five minutes.   Our night would've been much different.  Anyway, my husband is now frantically trying to find this envelope with no success.  So I continue some awkward conversations with our impromptu guest.  Suffice it to say, it was a long 30 minutes.  But at the end, a redeeming quality.  Our guest taught me something very unexpected.  The importance of positive thoughts in the morning.  He expressed his frustrating in waking up every morning.  He always felt like he could wait to get back in to bed that night.  Even before he was out!  He then told me something that I will never forget.  His life coach asked him "would you be happy if I gave you $20,000 right now?".  His answer being like all of ours I'm sure was "YES!".  His Life Coach responded by saying "what are you waiting for??".  I'm sure I mirrored his response "what?". The Life coach then went on to explain that he was waiting to be happy.  He was putting it off until some lucky break!  What are we waiting for?  Happiness is within our grasp no matter our circumstances.  What is holding us back?  The truth is we are holding ourselves back.  We are the real reason we're not happy.  And that, was a life lesson worth the thirty minutes.  I learned more about myself and recent feeling in thirty minutes than I have in 21 years.  That man will never know the impact he had on me.  What a blessing that it all worked out the way it did!

With my son, it's a rare occasion that I'm not cleaning up some sort of "natural" (Aedan) disaster.  

For example: Tuesday morning I was getting ready to meet a friend for a walk at 10 am.  At 9:30 am I started getting my son ready.  Changed his diaper, fed him.  By 9:45 am I went to my room to put on my tennis shoes.  I came out at 9:50 am to find my son rolling and vacuuming water up off the ground in our kitchen.  I watch him for a moment, looking like Shamu at SeaWorld.  Then I look to my left and find that he had emptied our 2.5 gallon water jug.  It was still emptying like a soft waterfall.  He's delighted, as though he'd been in the Sahara desert and hadn't seen water in weeks.  I on the other hand have but 10 minutes to get to the park.  So I try to take a deep breath.  This doesn't quite help.  Low and behold, there is still a pool in my kitchen.  So I throw down three towels.  To my dismay, this doesn't even put a dent in this disaster.  So I decide, for my sanity, to just get out the door and go.  As I lift my son from his version of Raging Waters his diaper lets out a colossal roar. 

The similarities are undeniable.

 I have one foot across the threshold when I realize there is excrement everywhere.  It is now 10 am.  I realize that as a parent, you can not put your second foot out the door when your child has a dirty diaper.  So I head back in to change him.  As I pull off the diaper and begin the frantic job of trying to contain this bio hazard, he reaches down grabs the diaper, and throws it like he's pitching in the world series for the San Francisco Giants.  It is now 10:05 am.  I am already 5 minutes late and no closer to leaving the house.  I now have a lake in my kitchen, and a room with newly painted brown walls.  I take a deep breath.  This does no good.  I feel like pooping in my own hands and throwing it all over the walls in frustration.  Finally, my sons "bunners" (as we call his bum) are clean.  He is dressed and I am cleaning the excrement from the walls.  I wish I had a hazmat suit, but that is for sissies.  I am a mother.  I've got to deal.  It's the closest I've come to death I tell you.  So finally, with a pool in my kitchen, and a newly painted room, I leave my house as quickly as possible in a sorry attempt at finding sanity.  As I arrive at the park with my odometer reading "danger, going to explode" at 10:24 am, I begin to tell my friend everything.  As I finish my story she is laughing hysterically.  Only then do I realize the hilarity of it all!  The most important thing, is to try to keep your cool just long enough to laugh about it with a friend.  I am now telling this story with a smile on my face and a memory to last a lifetime.  Even though, that morning, I may have decided it was the worst morning I'd ever had.

I guess what I'd like to leave you with today is this: Happiness is within your reach.  But you have to choose it.  It won't choose you.  And, try to take a deep breath, and walk away.  Never take yourself too seriously.  It'll be the end of all humanity. 

God bless, and good night.

Fragile Life

Sometimes I surprise myself with really profound thoughts.  Most times I annoy myself with really mundane and sorry excuses for life.  But nonetheless, I do realize the fragility of humankind.  The way we perceive others and ourselves can really shape our lives.  The power of positive and negative thoughts is really terrifying.

Man is harder than rock and more fragile than an egg. 
~Yugoslav Proverb

On another note, my husband has some family drama at the moment.  When something bad happens to someone you know, or even just on the news around your neighborhood, it really profoundly effects your feelings on the amazing life you have.  The antithesis to this of course is when you meet someone who is doing "better" than you in some way.  It makes you regret your choices, over think your choices, and often resent the results.  As though you could go back and change them!  It's hysterical!  We as a human kind are really quite frustratingly silly.

My mother always said that watching the news was a bit silly.  Since the only thing we glean from it is worry, fear, and sadness.  Of course she wasn't speaking without exception!  But still, tonight I had the misfortune of watching the television when the 11:00 news came on.  Of course they are reporting on a 4 year old abducted, and have little to no hope of a positive outcome.  I can't help but feel furiously angry that anyone would ever hurt an innocent child!  No matter how ornery or difficult!  A child is a child innocent and pure.  It disgusts me.  Anyways I of course walked away after turning off the television feeling angry, and scared.  My worst fear is the loss of a child.  Or the loss of my family.

My husband has been through a lot in his young life.  At 26 years old he has lost a best friend to suicide, an  uncle to suicide, and experienced much sadness at the misfortune of his family.  Today he almost lost another relative to suicide.  Not to mention the stress that work causes for him.  It makes me sad really.  The truth is that human life is so fragile. The person we almost lost is in a lot of physical and mental pain.  And has lost a lot of people near and dear to him.  Even though my husband is a really very strong man with a heart of pure gold, he was brought to tears today by this close call.  After a long discussion we ended our evening.  But not without that sad truth that life is so incredibly fragile.

Experiences in our lifetime sometimes make us feel unmistakably vulnerable.  Other times it makes us callous to the tragedies to come.  But today, I just feel vulnerable.  There is so much violence and hate in our world.  How could we possibly encounter enough hope to get us through each day?  And than the little voice in my head, be it God or my psychotic mind, said "God".  God is the only logical and reasonable way to deal with these vulnerabilities.  Because regardless of your beliefs, even if I'm wrong about Him, what's to lose?  Even if He's not there, it'll only make me a better person to believe in Him.  It will only give me hope that there is a reason to keep on keeping on.  He is the only logical explanation to continue through this scary road.  And what have I got to lose?  Nothing.

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.  

~Sidney Howard

Photo shoot!!

I had the absolutely amazing opportunity of doing a photo shoot with a beautiful family today.  It was soo much fun!  We took the photos down at Seacliff beach in Aptos.  They turned out stunning.  Due to how much fun I'm having looking through the photos and picking the best ones (hard because of the 341, barely 25 were just out of focus!) I will be going to bed without posting much tonight.  But I will get some samples up tomorrow and I promise to try to make a serious post tomorrow.  At least I'm keeping up with posting every day!  God bless and good night!

Early Life Crisis

Well, this weekend has been calm and collected for me so far.  I also have an amazing opportunity tomorrow afternoon.  I am going to be doing a photo shoot tomorrow evening with a beautiful family of nine.  Seven children, and two parents.  I hope to be able to learn from them!  I think it's important that every opportunity that arises within your life, you are able to take away some wisdom.  The truth is, if you have one child, you have wisdom.  With seven, your a thesaurus of guidance and advice!  So that will be amazing.  I'll look forward to posting some photos from that.


As you can probably tell I've been slow in the photography department.  Haven't had any jobs lately and therefor am really lacking the ability to let my creative mind wander!  So I really truly look forward to tomorrow.


Okay so as for the early life crisis, ha ha you'll think I'm crazy truth be told!  But I am really starting to feel my age.  Now before you start firing your flame throwers at me for daring to say such disrespectful things, you need to know that I'm not saying that I am "old".  What I am saying is that I am starting to feel my age.  Well, maybe better stated, I am starting to have my age encounter me.  

My beautiful son and husband.

Now here's what I mean by "encounter".  I feel as though I am still sixteen years old.  I feel like I'm too young to have made all the life altering decisions I have so far.  I'm married, with a beautiful child and am only (almost) twenty-two years old.  Now, I feel like I'm in my thirties.  I'm starting to really look at these critical life choices that I've made and evaluate them.  The truth is, in terms of maturity, I'm absolutely twenty-two.  But, if you see the life I have and the way I look, you'd definitely think late twenties, early thirties.  Which, doesn't necessarily bother me.  I'm just a little freaked out by the way I'm able to perceive my future and past.  It's discomforting.  The luxury of being unattached, immature, and without responsibility is no longer mine.  I am now responsible for the life of a child.  He will depend on me for food, experience, morals, values, and God.  That is TERRIFYING!  I am all he has.  It doesn't matter that I still feel like an inexperienced child.  I am still his mother.  Just as your mother is yours.  It doesn't seem like such a big deal.  But it has become a very palpable responsibility.  I think I am just starting to see the gravity of everything I have done up until this point in my life.  My experiences of late, seeing old friends, watching them begin careers, seeing them on television, this is what is making my life look at me and say "hey look, your getting old!", "If their not sixteen anymore, than neither are you!!!!  Ha ha ha".  


I don't regret anything.  I am confident in my ability to do be successful in what I am doing.  What I feel insecure about is that I have no idea why these things are only now dawning on me.  Yet, here I am.  Making critical life choices for not just me, but my husband and son as well.  Whatever I chose to do can have a completely life altering consequence in their lives.  It's not just about me anymore.  And to have not one, not two, but three lives dependent on your choices, it's a very heavy duty.  So today, I'd like to salute the mothers who have turned out successful children.  People that make our society run and work.  I'd also like to share a moment of silence for the poor mothers who have lost their children to war or any other tragedy.  It would be absolutely devastating.


Goodnight moon, goodnight room, goodnight to the red balloon.

Wonderful Day

I had a wonderful day today.  I've been out all week.  And I can't even begin to make a post that is long and thought out this evening.  So I'm going to leave you with a special picture from October of 2009.  The day that forever changed life as we knew it. 


Also, I'm going through an early life crisis.  So I'll post more on that tomorrow he he.  Hope your all enjoying your Friday and weekend.

Also, here's a great article on Homeschooling.  Written by a homeschooler!
I was unschooled and loved it!

Feelings are Feelings..

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.  

~Dale Carnegie

I was thinking today about feelings and emotions. We all struggle with them.  Some bottle them up, some explode with them.  What is a feeling and an emotion?  Can we control them?  Can we decide which ones to have and leave the rest?

I am one of those women who are in love with being in love.  I know the women in my family are quite infatuated the excited flutter of butterflies in our tummies.  Maybe it's why my mother and I liked being pregnant?  Ha ha...  Regardless I've heard that I'm much like my grandmother in that I really experience emotion at a level that can be perceived as insane!

So here is my truth regarding feelings.  I believe that no matter how illogical a feeling may be, we can not dismiss it as non-existent.  I don't always agree with the way I'm feeling.  In fact often, my feelings betray logic!  So a feeling is something that needs to be acknowledged.  We must face them and learn how to resolve our feelings responsibly.

Now though feelings are contrary to logic, that doesn't mean our behavior and reactions to these feelings can be, or should be.  I believe that no matter our feelings, there are consequences to our reactions.  No matter what it is.  We must take responsibility for our reactions!

I have found myself at odds with how to react to a lot of things lately.  As an adult, I no longer have the luxury of reacting in pure feeling and emotion.  As a parent, I must censor every word and edit every movement so that my feelings are not betrayed by them.  Sometimes we must feign ignorance of any inner distress so that we can process the correct response.  It's not fun, and it certainly isn't easy.  But maybe with age we will learn how to react responsibly and it will become natural.  Either that or our elder and wiser are just really good at putting up the perfect distracting poster.

I hate being succumb to such irrational emotion and feelings.  I despise crying.  It makes me feel like I'm a victim, that I'm ill equipped to deal with the world.  But what option do we have for escape?  No matter where we go, we will always be human.  So is this a bad thing?  I'm sure it can be.  The heart wants what it wants, but we must remember that sometimes, our heart needs steering.  It's not capable of making rational and logical decisions.  Make sure that you guard and guide your heart when it's necessary.  Let your feelings teach you about yourself, but don't let them define you.

Politics Shmolitics

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right.  

~H.L. Mencken, 1956

Are you ready?  You may not like this post.  But it's an important topic.  So here we go!

First off I would like to take a moment to honor those lost in the horrific events in Tuscon this last weekend.  May God bless and care for them and their families at this tragic time.  Memory eternal to those lost.

Okay so this is what I don't understand.  After this tragedy in Tuscon everyone is blaming the other political side for what happened.  Some believe that it's the liberals fault, and others conservatives!  Really?!  I can scarcely believe this is actually a conversation at this point!  I believe whole heartedly that this absurd discussion should cease and desist.  At least until some proper time has elapsed.  We should be sending our love, prayers, and hope to the victims and their families.  Not trying to spin this into a political advantage for one party or the other.  It's horrific.  I am incredibly frustrated by this atrocity.  I believe we as a human kind are better than this!  We need to acquire more passion and kindness as a whole.  We need to desensitize ourselves to the worlds cruelty.  We need to truly show those victims an outpouring of generosity, love, sympathy, and respect.  

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  

~Plato

This quote made me laugh.  Not because it was funny, but because I have been thinking about this quite often since Saturday.  We persecute those who believe differently than we do.  But how could there be right if there was no wrong.  I thought about the fact that I made a conscious decision to not disclose my political beliefs on this blog.  And I realized that no matter my beliefs, if I was conservative, republican, democrat, non-partisan, green party, or not a voter, I would get crucified by someone.  Which is really sad.  What about appreciating the difference opinion so that we can become wiser as a whole?  Although I respect your political opinion, I believe that we should be more than respectful.  The Democratic Republic that is the United States is what makes our nation great and beautiful.

Pork Pulled Buns

Ha ha when I named this post all I could do is laugh laugh laugh!  Pork pulled buns!  Come on!  It's funny right?  Well this is aptly named because I cooked barbecued pulled pork for dinner tonight.  Which of course, using the slow cooker, turned out incredible.  So simple and delicious!  Of course my adorable son would have none of it.  Urgh.

One of my dear friends eldest child.

I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.  ~Pablo Picasso

Wow.  What a powerful statement right? My mother and I have discussed what it is we would do if we won the lottery.  The truth is, I would like to think that all I would do is secure the future of my family and extended family.  I wouldn't tell anybody thats for darn sure.  But what would you do with that amount of money?  I would set up college funds and homes for my future children.  But then would they ever know the value of a dollar?  Would I have those annoying trust fund children?  It always drove me crazy hearing about those kids who don't have to worry about a thing!  Money can buy them anything and everything.  I want my children to really know how hard it is to earn a dollar and spend it.  But the truth is, I'm sick of worrying about putting food on the table.  Where we're going to live.  Dealing with a landlord who believes they are doing us a favor.  I mean really, these are simple things.  Are they too much to ask?  I simply don't think so.  I am all about living your life and not getting caught up in the little things.  But I am unfortunately a little stuck on the not so little things in life today.  I couldn't help but wonder if it was so wrong to pray to win the lottery.  Although I am sure we are among billions of people praying to win the lottery, it's sure not getting many of us anywhere.  Is it wrong to pray for it?  I mean it is gambling right?  So is it a sin?  I once saw an entire show dedicated to finding out what happened to most lottery winners.  Many of them, it destroyed their lives.  They spent it all in a free fall.  I just read 8 stories of lottery winners who just blew threw their money some in 6 months, and some in 8 years.  But the reality is did any of these people go straight to a financial advisor to set up any safety funds?  I doubt it.  I'm sure they went straight to the bank to buy a house.  A big one. 

Okay things I would do if I won the lottery.

1: Go to a therapist to discuss how to deal with it.

2: Find a good financial advisor to discuss how to secure safety.

3: Not tell ANYONE (also why you'd need a therapist!)

4: Slowly look for a small 3 bedroom home on a small piece of property.  

5: Slowly fix up the home.

6: When people start asking how we bought a home, we say we took out a loan!  My husband got a raise at work!

7: Go to the dentist and doctor!

8: Secure property for our parents

9: Look into charities we wanted to donate to as well as our churches.

That sounds pretty reasonable.  Ya, I think we could successfully handle millions of dollars.  We would live simply ideally.  I wouldn't want a showy mansion.  I would probably still go to Ross, Marshalls, and Ikea for furniture and supplies.  Those are some cheap set ups!  We really wouldn't need to spend all that money.   So yes I would like to live like a poor man with lots of money!  Good night everybody.  I hope you enjoy your days the way I will when I win the lottery ♥

A Good Days Work

Can you imagine a world without men?  No crime and lots of happy fat women.  

~Nicole Hollander

Today was quite a successful day.  I was able to FINALLY clear the last 4 boxes that remained from our move in July of last year!  It was so satisfying!  My son was very funny.  I got almost all our laundry done.  I washed our sheets and all of our towels.  I can now shower, and sleep in clean, soft, yummy smelling sheets.  I cleared my table, and organized my sons room.  I now have access to everything in my room from drawers, to baskets, to bookshelf!  That sounds silly, but anyone who had seen my room in the last 6 months would tell you that is a miracle.  I vacuumed and swept.  I even got some work done on some past due photos.

What a bunch of goof offs!

My husbands computer (which I used up until this year) crashed sometime in August or September of last year.  It had all of my photos!  Including some paid jobs.  I recently had a young man offer to attempt a retrieval of all photos and music off of our dead computer.  He was very successful.  Unfortunately I was not able to retrieve all of the photos that I needed.  I got some from this photo shoot, but I didn't get the photos of this girls actual dance.  But I am sure her mother will be relieved to get some photos.  Especially since I am not going to charge her anything.  Anyway, so this is her and her brother.  She's a committed ballerina.  Her brother is a firefighter who my mother was able to make present in recent productions.  He does a beautiful job.

I've also started cooking using my Crockpot again.  This is very exciting news indeed.  I made Maple Glazed Meatballs over Rice a couple nights ago.  Unfortunately we ran out of money for the week.  So, we've been eating those meatballs over rice for lunch and dinner the last couple of days.  Once my husband gets paid this week I'll send him out and make Barbecue shredded Pork sandwiches one of these nights.  That will be delicious.  One of my recent hardships has been trying to get my son to eat.  He will eat anything that my mother hands to him.   Even if it's something I've already tried to get him to eat.  But, no matter what I give him, he doesn't want it.  He ends up throwing it.  It has been disastrous.  Someone told me to put ketchup on his food.  That it might make him less picky.  But, this has been unsuccessful.  He loves the ketchup!  And that is half the problem.  Most days he will even suck the ketchup straight from the food and spit the food out.  It's funny, but looking at my husband and I, you would barely believe that our son doesn't hardly eat.  We're definitely foodies.  We love food.  I know I'll be happy if I just die in a vat of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.  That will be the perfect way to head to heaven!  Did I mention that I got almost all laundry done?!  I know!  Amazing right?!?!?!

Brother and sister.

I love my home being clean.  It really makes me feel much happier.  I can't tell you how freeing it feels to walk into your room and not have your first thought be, "ugh.. I really got to get that done!" and have your heart drop to the floor in surrender.  It's depressing not having the time, energy, or will power to get the things you want done, done!  But today, without thinking about it, I did it!  And my chest feels literally lighter!  If only my fat fell off like the weight on my chest after cleaning today!  I even got some alone time this evening when my husband took my son over to the in-laws.  Of course, I spent it trying to finish the last of the laundry.  But, none the less.  I feel like I had a very successful day today.  Try it.  You won't regret it!  Just give fifteen minutes to the area you've been staring at this whole week/weekend!

Sibling rivalry.

Ha ha this will be yet another VERY short post.

I went to Davenport beach this evening to catch the sunset.  In an attempt to learn how to do panoramic photos. Of course, this being said, the photos are not good.  I forgot my most trusty book on tips and techniques to taking the perfect shot.  So, that was a bummer.  But I did witness quite an extraordinary sunset.  It was incredibly beautiful.  The beaches out in Davenport are so beautiful!  There were quite a few people there as well.  Which surprised me because I thought that it was a relatively unknown beach.  Of course, I was wrong.  And I certainly wasn't the only one with a camera there.  Anyway, got there just in time for the sunset which was at 5:08pm.  Stayed a little while after to enjoy the beautiful settings.  Did I mention it was below twenty degrees?  Well, it wasn't really.  But it was quite chilly.  Anyway, That's all I've got for today.  Here's the photo of the beach.  Hope you enjoyed your weekend!

Friendship

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  

~Elisabeth Foley

This evening my husband, son and I went to a friends home and spent the whole evening there.  They have three young girls who are absolutely beautiful and adorable.  My son loves their middle child.  They are two peas in a pod.

Two brothers with their daughter/niece.

This evening was such a glorious time.  It really made me appreciate the friendships in my life that are easy and fun.  They don't require much maintenance and when we get together it's always a good laugh and some wonderful advice.  It is so encouraging being a parent and wife, to be supported and in the midst of another thriving and successful family.  I can't imagine going through all of these dramatic life changes without their support and guidance.  We have been blessed by many wonderful examples of healthy families.  A healthy friendship that can grow separately without growing apart is truly a friendship that will last a lifetime.  

I believe that healthy relationships at this point in my life, are ones that don't have great expectations.  I love my friends deeply.  They are such an important part of my life.  But I don't have a whole lot of time to call them or go to coffee and chit chat.  I have a little one who goes straight for the glass in every shop and loves to throw everything that enters the palm of his hand.  

So my evening post is simply going to be a shout out to all the wonderful family and friends in my life.  Thank you for respecting my time and never putting pressure on me.  I love you all dearly.  

The Orthodox Faith

Click on this: Troy Polamalu says "Kala Christougena"

I wanted to post this for several reasons.  But the main reason is the inspiration and encouragement that is so easily taken from it.  I am an Orthodox Christian and I love hearing stories like this because it just encourages me to keep trying to get deeper and deeper into the faith.  I respect all religions and spiritualities.  But this is mine.  And I think that's it's quite a good one.  I may get deeper into it later.  But for now, It's time for breakfast.

Love Ever After?

After God created the world, He made man and woman.  Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.  

~Bill Kelly, "Mordillo"

It's a funny thing that which we call marriage.  It is such an absurd idea, living with one person for the majority of your life.  Yet we all want it deep down.   We want someone who will make us laugh, and cry, and support us through every day.  I can barely live with myself every day.  Who thought it was a good idea to add one more person to the mixture?  We love our kids to death, and even they only live with us for the first twenty years!  

I love being married.  It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.  

~Rita Rudner

One of two very handsome brothers.

Well this post is going to be filled with quotes that I found funny and true.  This quote was profound to me because of it's truth!  I do love being married!  I love it, and I hate it.  But I so enjoy annoying my husband.  I love hearing him laugh!  I don't know if this is true for anybody else, but I find my husband to be absolutely hysterical when he is annoyed.  I don't know what it is, maybe his smile or the frustration that confuses his facial muscles which are so used to being calm and collected all the time.  When he's annoyed, he smiles and giggles.  Some of my fondest memories.

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  

~Simone Signoret

This is very interesting.  The tiny threads.  Well, this was easy to see in the marriage of my parents.  You see, those tiny threads are everywhere!  It is the reason that divorce is so much more than it seems.  Divorce from an outside perspective would seem so simple.  So cut and dry!  Why not just get divorced?!  It's because those tiny threads are each so colorful and fantastic.  Each one of those tiny threads was so carefully crafted and connected to one another.  And of course, you will never be able to get rid of every thread.  You will always have some hanging off of you, severed from your other half.  Thats painful and frustrating.  No one likes the tiny threads you find everyday hanging off your clothes.  So, those tiny threads filled with secrets containing stories of triumph, tragedy, and so many others are what hold us together of course.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  

~Doug Larson

Oh the frustrating amount of truth in that one sentence.  If only.  I recently had a conversation with someone who was giving me all the reasons that he didn't want to get married.  He believes that telling his girlfriend that he will love her forever was more profound then a marriage could ever be.  He said "I don't need a contract or license saying that I will love her forever, I know that in my heart!".  He didn't see a point in "the absurdity".  "The government makes money off of it!  It's just another consumer based politic!".  Well, although I respect his decision, I know why people get married.  At least, I know why I got married.  Here are my reasons for not only saying "I will love you forever" but also having a ceremony, and a state license.  First of all, the truth is, I won't love my husband forever.  Any married person you meet will tell you that you will fall in and out of love throughout your entire marriage.  And no matter what he says, if I wasn't legally bound to my husband during the hard times, I would definitely have just skipped town.  Nothing holding me back!  With a marriage, you have a wedding, honeymoon, and friends and family who were there and witnessed your legal bind to one another.  Now the reason that is so important is that it holds you together long enough to fall back in love with your spouse.  And that, is one of the few but heavy reasons we get married.  The other, is the tax benefits!  

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.  

~Barnett R. Brickner

Last but certainly not least, it takes two to get married, and it takes two to divorce.  It is extraordinarily easy to blame everything on your spouse.  Anyone can rationalize divorcing their spouse.  Who couldn't?  You know their deepest darkest habits and secrets.  You know the things their good at and bad.  You know if they commit fraud or evade taxes.  Of course you have reason to divorce them!  But the truth is that a marriage is based on selflessness.  You have to be committed to making a marriage work.  And you have to work really hard at it.  Marriage isn't a vacation from the real world.  It is the hardest commitment you'll ever make.  But it can also be the most rewarding.  Now I'm not saying that every couple has to be together.  There are extenuating circumstances in which it is not appropriate to stay with your spouse.  But, all in all, what are you looking for?  I mean if it's another husband, trust me when I say you'll regret leaving the first.  All you'll find is you'll be looking for a better version of your husband.  Husband 2.0 doesn't exist.  Not for me at least.  Like I said, it's a case by case basis.  But I know that if I left my husband, the guy I would be looking for certainly does not exist.  There is no such thing as the perfect human male.  Not on this planet at least.  No matter how perfect they are, they all come with some strange and sometimes annoying habits.   So, I guess my point for the evening is that, no matter how much you may want to stay or leave, remember, the grass is always greener on the other side!