Early Life Crisis

Well, this weekend has been calm and collected for me so far.  I also have an amazing opportunity tomorrow afternoon.  I am going to be doing a photo shoot tomorrow evening with a beautiful family of nine.  Seven children, and two parents.  I hope to be able to learn from them!  I think it's important that every opportunity that arises within your life, you are able to take away some wisdom.  The truth is, if you have one child, you have wisdom.  With seven, your a thesaurus of guidance and advice!  So that will be amazing.  I'll look forward to posting some photos from that.


As you can probably tell I've been slow in the photography department.  Haven't had any jobs lately and therefor am really lacking the ability to let my creative mind wander!  So I really truly look forward to tomorrow.


Okay so as for the early life crisis, ha ha you'll think I'm crazy truth be told!  But I am really starting to feel my age.  Now before you start firing your flame throwers at me for daring to say such disrespectful things, you need to know that I'm not saying that I am "old".  What I am saying is that I am starting to feel my age.  Well, maybe better stated, I am starting to have my age encounter me.  

My beautiful son and husband.

Now here's what I mean by "encounter".  I feel as though I am still sixteen years old.  I feel like I'm too young to have made all the life altering decisions I have so far.  I'm married, with a beautiful child and am only (almost) twenty-two years old.  Now, I feel like I'm in my thirties.  I'm starting to really look at these critical life choices that I've made and evaluate them.  The truth is, in terms of maturity, I'm absolutely twenty-two.  But, if you see the life I have and the way I look, you'd definitely think late twenties, early thirties.  Which, doesn't necessarily bother me.  I'm just a little freaked out by the way I'm able to perceive my future and past.  It's discomforting.  The luxury of being unattached, immature, and without responsibility is no longer mine.  I am now responsible for the life of a child.  He will depend on me for food, experience, morals, values, and God.  That is TERRIFYING!  I am all he has.  It doesn't matter that I still feel like an inexperienced child.  I am still his mother.  Just as your mother is yours.  It doesn't seem like such a big deal.  But it has become a very palpable responsibility.  I think I am just starting to see the gravity of everything I have done up until this point in my life.  My experiences of late, seeing old friends, watching them begin careers, seeing them on television, this is what is making my life look at me and say "hey look, your getting old!", "If their not sixteen anymore, than neither are you!!!!  Ha ha ha".  


I don't regret anything.  I am confident in my ability to do be successful in what I am doing.  What I feel insecure about is that I have no idea why these things are only now dawning on me.  Yet, here I am.  Making critical life choices for not just me, but my husband and son as well.  Whatever I chose to do can have a completely life altering consequence in their lives.  It's not just about me anymore.  And to have not one, not two, but three lives dependent on your choices, it's a very heavy duty.  So today, I'd like to salute the mothers who have turned out successful children.  People that make our society run and work.  I'd also like to share a moment of silence for the poor mothers who have lost their children to war or any other tragedy.  It would be absolutely devastating.


Goodnight moon, goodnight room, goodnight to the red balloon.