A new year, new beginning. More resolutions that I can't keep.
Why make them if your sure you won't keep them? Why not make a resolution for January?
Okay so here are my new years resolutions. Pointless, but I feel silly not making ANY.
1: Make a new post to this blog every day. Even if it's only a word, sentence, or paragraph.
2: Go to church every Sunday.
3: Last but certainly not least, try to lose this weight. Ugh. So much weight, so little time, and not enough money. Money you ask? Well, if your rich, you can hire a chef, and go out and play all day, come in for your snacks, and never have to prepare food.
Alright, day one of year 2011. Here's my post for this year. First of all, it's 1:02am on January 1st, 2011. So this is certainly not the greatest time to be leaving a post. Why? Because I am TIRED. Exhausted really. But before I go to bed, I would like to talk about my evening.
So I went to a friends home for the new year celebration. Popcorn maker, husband, tired baby, and drinks in tow. We waltzed in with the intention of staying for only a short time. Short time meaning from 7:42pm to 9:00pm. My husband was certain that he didn't want to drink. And we had previously arranged to share the child duties throughout the evening. I wanted to have the opportunity to take lots and lots of photos with the 50mm lens I have on loan for the week. I want to get as much use out of it as physically possible. So we get there, start having snacks, it's mellow and fun. We having happy and cheery banter. Nothing out of the ordinary. Everything is great.
More guests arrive (we were the 2nd). We are not well into 9:15pm and the party starts really getting fun. We're laughing, playing, (I'm holding the baby, a Lot) and everything is good. My son as I have previously stated is exhausted. It's alright beyond an hour past his bedtime and the poor child is just hysterical. He gets down to play, he comes running back to me with every little bump, breeze, and whisper. But, I was being selfish and did not care to check the time. I'm having fun, as is my husband. Then the beer pong starts. May I digress? I do not like the taste of alcohol. I'm sure you may think "you get used to it" or "it's an acquired taste" or "are you like, one of those pretentious people who think alcohol is beneath you?". Well you thought wrong. The answer is no, no, no and NO! Trust me, it would have been alot cooler to like the taste of alcohol and be able to sip a beer. But can taste a single drop of any alcohol in a gallon of juice, coke, or water. My tongue picks up on it like a bloodhound on the trail of it's unaware prey. So, I don't drink, don't play beer pong, and certainly don't get drunk. You can't get drunk if you don't drink alcohol.
So my husband who avidly expressed his feelings about not drinking alcohol precedes to drink. May I mention, I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I happened to be feeling frustrated and bothered about the fact that I was feeling that I was really taking care of our son. Our "sharing" the care duties really turned into a mommy-fest. In my husbands defense, our son did not want to be with him. He was having a mommy meltdown. I wasn't mad at my husband. I was really just bummed that I didn't get to do all that I wanted, and I selfishly wanted to have more fun. I didn't want to be breaking my back holding my son. Now, let's talk about whats wrong with this paragraph (and no, I'm not talking about grammar, I'm talking moral, ethics and all that fancy stuff).
My husband should have any and every opportunity possible to have fun. He works hard, loves harder, and always helps me out. He deserves some major male bonding time. Secondly, my 14month old son does not belong awake and out and those hours. That makes me not only a horrible ungrateful wife at this point, but now a bad parent. A mother, NOT looking our for her son. So here I am being a complete ass, and no one is the wiser. It's now 11:00pm and we are still at this party. I then precede to try and put my son down in another room to let him sleep. He easily laid down and was beyond happy to be let down to sleep. Heres the problem, everyone (parents and friends) were drinking, yelling, jumping (not to mention the kids screaming and racing through the rooms) and being louder than hell.. So needless to say, my poor poor exhausted son is now crying because he can't get some peace and quiet to go to sleep. Now not only am I a ungrateful wife, a bad parent, but an ass hole mom who won't just take her poor beautiful son home to get him some rest. Help him get well from his cold. I certainly didn't do anyone any favors.
By the end of the evening (12:27am), my husband feels bad, and is trying to help me while also battling frustration with our son who is falling apart at the seams. This one man who has a little boy who is our sons age is there without his girlfriend, and at this point without his son. And he is very kind and funny, but too friendly. Keeps hugging, and getting closer to all the women. His intentions were good. He really was just friendly. But my husband felt that I was being too friendly with him I suppose. Unfortunately my husband didn't seem to comprehend that I was backing up, and away from this man the whole evening. Trying to be kind and courteous while keeping my distance. Unfortunately this man was just unversed in the politics of married couples. I believe he is just trying to be nice, but in our little married couples group, we don't just go around hugging for any sip, hat, or penny. A friendly hug as hello and goodbye of course is appropriate, but just to say "hey your super cool" we just don't do that. So, that was unfortunate. I didn't want my husband to have to feel that way at all. Especially since I was making such a conscious effort to avoid contact. But it seems I failed in that. And that's just not fair.
I was coerced into giving my son a "drop" of melatonin this evening. The women insisted that it would help my son sleep, no problem. Well the truth was my son didn't need help sleeping, he needed his mother to buck up and give him the place to sleep. Well, after hours of insisting I'm not a good mother unless I give him a tiny drop of this melatonin I finally (read the bottle, looked at side effects, there were none, and if it was all natural, it was) relented and let her give my son less than a drop. Now, she was of course shocked when at 12:29am he was still awake. But of course he was! He was just too hysterical to even sleep. My son finally got to rest his sweet little head when we buckled him into the car. It took him all of pulling out of the driveway to fall asleep. Thus ended, our tremendous entry into the new year. Hello new year, goodbye better beginnings. We totally screwed this one up.
Things learned on the first day of this new year: Never ever EVER get bullied into giving your children anything. Never ever expect that your child can handle that kind of evening. Try to make some sort of sign for your spouse to let him or her know that you are trying to avoid unwanted and excessive attention. That way they know your intention, and can then either save you, or let you handle it in your own way. Never drink if you don't want to. And last but not least, enjoy the few times you have with friends and family. You never know when it will be your last.
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this:
To rise above the little things.
~John Burroughs
Dear Aedan,
Please forgive me for not being the greatest mother this evening. For not looking our for your best interest. For being selfish and unrelenting. Even at your most innocent request. I love you. Your my world. May God grant me the mercy, grace, and strength to do a better job each day in the future forward.
I love you forever, and always. You will always be my baby boy.
Goodnight world, may you sleep peacefully this evening, and may you start your year fresh and with the most beautiful of fresh green leaves.
Oh, and good luck with all your new years resolutions!
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